AIDS

Well in the news today, AIDs is on the rise and being swept under the rug again.

Did you know that 1 out of every 2 new AIDs victims is Afro-American?

Did you know that it only takes 5 minutes to get an AIDs test and you can have the results in the same day?

Did you know that the death rate equals the same amount as the new reports of AIDs annually. Meaning that the amount that die every year from AIDs, the same amount are reported as new patients?

Do you know that if you are infected and still engage in unprotected sex, you can be charged with a crime????

FOR GODS SAKE PEOPLE ----- USE A CONDOM

Thirst

I cannot quench your thirst. Because even if you yearn for the truth, you refuse to believe in it.

your right I do not believe, the truth can be too hard to handle even if I yearn for it. protect me from it. Yet you titilatize me. My skin tingles.I want to hear the truth. But I can not bear it. I offer my neck to you, I can feel your breath, I want you to take me. But you hold back. I ache for you

I cannot quench your thirst. Because no such truth exists that you are in anticipation for.

Because the truth I want to hear is really not the truthbut a belief that I have would rather hear. It is a yearning for something that is within you. Something I could never posses. It flutters from my reach everytimeI think I am close. I need to drink but cannot, I want to drink but cannot. Not yet. The time will come.

But I still want to quench your thirst.Because I am the one the that put you into the desert.

but you could not have lead me there, with out my will to follow.there is only one thing that will quench my thirst. You hold the power, you knowhow and what is needed to quench my thirst, yet there is a power in being ableto hold it with in you, you see me yearn for it. you know the desire burns deep with in.I shall come to you. In the dead of night you shall find me in the shadows of your room. Waiting.You shall hear my breath. You will feel my finger tips lightly on your flesh as my hand strokes your bare skin. You will look and not see me, but I will be there. I will see your nake body laying under the sheets. The outline of what I hunger for, knowing the truth lies before me. The need to drink from you, you will feel me, and still your body will react. And still I am not there. In the morning you will wake, you will think about me. Was I really there? Your body fools you, it reacts as if I have been there.

Planning

You know what, I like to plan things.

If I know I am going away for the weekend, I like to start packing on Monday so I know I won't forget anything. That way when Friday rolls around, I can throw my stuff in the car and go. I hate waiting around.

It bothers me that people wait till the last minute to pack. Or buy tickets to go someplace. My husband is going to see his son in Colorado. He has been saying this for weeks now. He picked out the day he was leaving and when he was coming back. Did he buy the tickets? no.

He is to leave tomorrow. So today, he is going to go buy tickets. I don't get it. What if there are no more seats left on the bus? Did I mention he hates to fly so he is taking the bus? I want to make sure he is actually going so I am driving him to the bus tomorrow. I am taking my lunch when ever and sending him off.

I get one whole week with out him. I am so excited. I can't wait.

I have so many things I want to do.

I want to go to a movie.
I want to go to the beach.
I want to have sex.
I want to ride my horse without being watched.
I want to sleep with pjs on.
I want to by my son a beer.
I want to take my son to dinner.

The list goes on and on.

The sex?? oh yeah... well sex is something I don't get at home. Just take it from me. Viagra is not all it is cracked up to be. It is easier to do with out.

On to other things, So yes,,, I like to plan a head. I am usually packed, have tickets in hand days before I am to leave.

I make sure to set aside money to have for food, gas, and little things I may decide I can't live with out. (batteries) (( good thing he sleeps deeply))

I like to check into my room as soon as I can. I hate waiting to check in.
I like getting settled and relaxed.

that is my idea of a vacation

No name post

Ok so I could not come up with a name for this post. I am having problems figuring out the world and you want me to come up with a name for todays post.

Well I know, I will blog, then come up with a name at the end of my blog.

Now I just need to find a subject for today.


hummmmmmm, Well, ok,,, Movies, that is a good one. But I have not been to a movie in a long time. Come to think of it, I have not even rented a good one in a long time. I am however going to see the new Batman movie. I got invited while my husband is away. I am really excited. I am excited because my husband does not like going to the movies. So this is my night out.

So if you have seen the movie, don't spoil it for me. I have heard a lot already.

Ok, what else. Oh I know. My daughter Neena, who is the oldest, moved back in with her loser boyfriend. You know the one that is a drug addict? He "cleaned" up his act like so many times before. This time he is going to church also. We will see how long this will last.

My other daughter, her husband can't find a decent paying job, so he is thinking of re-inlisting in the military. I pray he doesn't but he likes the military. This means they would be moving away from me and I would not get to see her kids grow up.

Then there is my son. He is still living with me, which I don't mind. But he got layed off. He is not to busy looking for work. He is staying up till 4 in the morning and not getting up till about 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

This I am not happy about. His dad has a 5 bedroom house for him and his wife. hmmmmm maybe Thomas should go live with them.

But I love the big guy too damn much. I would miss this big lug being around the house. Besides I am closer to kicking my hubby to the curb.

I will never get married again. I may have a room mate, one where they have their room and I have my room and you stay out type situation. But never ever a live in boy friend.

I like my freedom to damn much to put up with shit. I am so tired of not having time for me. I never have time for just me. Not even when I go to take a dump do I get time for me. Its hell I say, pure hell.

Ok enough bitching. I need something funny here..........................Ok no, I have nothing right now. I will come back to that.

Trying to get old bills caught up. Thinking about a part time job. It would help if my son would just get a job and pay half the rent, and utilities.

Work here has been busy though, I am thinking soon I will be doing over time. That will help a lot. I could do over time. Not a problem, I like over time.

Oh ok,, I have some one liners I will lay on you. Some are funny and some are stupid but hey they work.

Here we go---

A clear conscience is usually a sign of a bad memory.

A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.

43% of all statistics are worthless

Always keep your words soft and sweet, just incase you have to eat them.

A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on.

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.



I don't know where I got these one liners. I think they came from www.vegard.net I printed them and have had them for years. So I can't take the credit but I liked a few of them and thought I would share.

Now for a name for todays post.

A day to empty my brain.

The world makes no sense

Ok so today I read articles in the news about a woman who bought a t- shirt for $69, yes a t shirt for $69. If that was not bad enough, on the front of the t shirt she bought it said, " Obama is my slave". The woman wore it in public and preceded to get beat up by 4 black women.

Now she wants to sue the "designer" of the t shirt because she got beat up for wearing it in public.

To top it off the "designer" had several other " t shirts" that had other saying on them. They were just as racist, and sold for the same amount. One even said " Who shot Obama?" That was the top seller.

The "designer" claims he is not racist against blacks. He is glad there is a black man running. He is just against Obama because he is "Islamic" ?????????? Ok.

Moving on.

There is a man that has been determined by the courts to be a child molester. He was found guilty. He was a school teacher. Yet this man is not in jail. He is wearing a "gps" moniter on his leg. Yet he is allowed to live alone, go to work every day, go to church on Sundays, all with out checking in with anyone. No one moniters this man. He leaves his house at 8 am and does not return home till 9 pm. The "gps" tells you where he has been but not who he as been with.

His victim lives 15 miles away. He was told not to have any contact with his victim. Nothing was said about any other minors.

He molested this young boy in a closet at the school till the boy got into high school then finally told the guy no more. Then the guy posted flyers of this boy saying the boy was having sex with animals to get his revenge. In the meantime the guy started prepping other boys for victims.

But the judge felt he was not a threat to the community. So this man has not served one day in jail. He wanders the streets after work, doing who knows what.

Don't believe me?
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/07/23/sex.offender.teacher/index.html?eref=rss_...

Marriage VS Divorice

This is a topic near and dear to my heart.

I have been married 4 times.

I am working on my 4th divorice.

Lets take a look at marriage.

Marriage can be a good thing, with the right person. It is an easy thing to do. It can be fun. Something like this. Hey, I am bored want to get married? (response) Sure why not?

Or it could be something like this. Your both drunk out of your mind and you stumble into the "Church of Elvis" --- Honey, lets get mmmarried!!!! Ok,, lllletsss... you wake up in bed the next day hung over and wonder what the fuck you just did.

Or you get pregnant and have a shot gun wedding. For those of you who are young and don't understand. Back in the day, if you got a girl pregnant, the father and or brothers stood at the back of the church with actual shotguns while you married the pregnant girl. If you tried to run they actually shot you in the back and burried you.

Or it could be you actually thought you were in love, and had a good relationship. You went to a few little classes and the priest, pastor, or who ever said yes you were ready. In reality, you were clueless to what the hell is about to happen. Oh yes everyone jokingly tells you what it could be like. Others tell you it is the best thing that ever happened to them. But they don't tell you the day to day realities.

So you go through the ritual of marriage. The ceremony. The reception. Or not.

Then one day it hits you. WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE.

Maybe your spouse was unfaithful.
Maybe you were unfaithful and got caught.
Maybe you were just not compatable after all.
Or maybe you just could not put up with his or her whiney ass, any longer. They just pushed all the buttons they could till you just could not put up with them and either you wanted to commit murder or get a divorice.

So down the road of divorice you go. Now getting a divorice is a lot harder.
There is a stigma about getting a divorice. The first one is hard. The second one is harder. After that it is old hat and everyone is used to it. Trust me.

So you have to find a lawyer. You hash out all the problems with the lawyer who gets paid by the hour. If there is any property you have to divide it. Then if there are kids, well that is a different story. You now have parenting classes to take. You have to pay for them. Then you have to file with the court, which costs money. Then if you agree, meaning soon to be ex spouses, your pretty much done. But if you can't agree, then you have to go to court, which costs money. Do you see a pattern here?

It is easy and cheap to get married, and costly to get a divorice. You could find yourself married in days and it takes years to get a divorice. In some states it has become nearly impossible to get a divorice. Check out the laws before you get married. Things happen. So make sure you know before you get married if there is a way out if things go bad.

Enter the pre nup. This is a very valuable tool. Have one, get one, make sure it is signed before you sign your life away. I can not stress this enough.

I could go on and on about marriage and divorice but I think my lawyer is calling.

Weekends

You know, weekends are a wonderful thing. There is nothing better than taking a break from the work week.

I like to keep my weekends as free as possible. I don't like to go any where. I don't like to do anything. I just want to be left alone. Some people don't understand that.

They try to cram as much as possible in to the weekend as they can. Not me. I just want to kick back and relax. Drink some beer, catch some zzzzzzzzzz and just be me.

I don't want to do dishes, I don't want to do laundry. I don't want to cook. So if you come to my house and it is a mess,,, so what. It is my weekend. It is my time off. My time to do nothing.

My weekends I am a couch potato. I watch movies, I do tend to my horses. I shower. I sleep a lot. Sometimes I will go to the store.

Other than that, I don't do anything.

Solitude

According to Websters dictionary -

Solitude: The state of being alone. Isolation. A secluded or lonely place.

I live such a busy life. I have people in my life all the time. Yet there are times that I want solitude. And sometimes, with all the people in my life, I feel solitary, meaning, I feel like I am in a corner watching the world go by.

This is not a bad thing. It is a frame of mind. Maybe it is my escape from the hustle and bustle of the busy day. Maybe it is the "time out" I need to refresh my thoughts. What ever it is, it is nice.

Some people feel solitude is a bad thing. My family worries about me having a solitary life. Yes I am married but if this marriage should not work out, and I become single, they worry about it. They don't want me to be alone. Since when does being alone become a bad thing?

Maybe being alone is Gods reward for a life well lived. Maybe it is the opposite? Either way, some people are perfectly fine with a solitary life. That does not make them weird. It does not in any way make them anti social. They just enjoy a quiet life. They enjoy peace and quiet.

People find it odd these days that one wants to be alone. "She needs a husband." or "He needs a mate." What ever. Leave these people alone. They are happy.

They are happy with the life they have choosen. Don't try to push your life or beliefs on to them. Let them have their solitude.

Don't think for one second that they are unhappy for being alone. They have all kinds of thing that make them happy and I bet they do those thing when they want to do them. They don't have to schedule around someone else to do them. They don't have to coordinate schedules.
They just do it when and if they want.

The point of this blog today????

Leave people alone. Let them live the life they want to live. Don't try to "make a life" for someone who is single. The fact of the matter is, they may already be as happy as shit.

Younger men vs older men

Someone asked me today, why do you date younger men.

Hmmm, there are lots of reasons. So I decided to blog it and see if I really know why. So this is my tribute to younger men.

The younger man has always been more attentive. I have watched them pay attention to what I do. They "study" you. They learn about you. I once asked one why do you watch me so much. He said he wanted to know what made me tick. So I asked him some questions. Surprisingly, he knew what my favorite color was, how I drank my coffee, what I prefered for breakfast. I was quite taken by this. He even knew my routine for an average work day.

I also found that he was more open and honest than guys my age. It was like he didn't have anything to prove. There was no "expectations". Meaning, I didn't expect him to behave a certain way, he just did it. I never had to ask him to do anything because he would just do what he thought needed to be done. This created an easier life.

He liked that I was settled in life. My career was established. I was not in constant stress trying to be something I was not. There was not alot of drama in my life. I knew who I was and what I wanted. He liked that I did not have games that I played.

So it comes down to this. A younger guy has more stamina, and is willing to learn new things, especially in bed. A younger guy, follows directions with out questioning because they know your not trying to control them, your trying to help them. A younger guy knows you have their best thoughts in mind. They know your not using them. (ok for some of us anyway)
A younger guy treats you better and more like a person. It is not all about them

Most guys, (not all) I know that are my age, are going through there second childhood and it is all about them.

With younger guys, it is about me. Which in turn creates a mood of "its about us"

Don't get me wrong. Older men or men my age can have a lot of positive as well. I just find I have way more fun with a younger guy.

Given the choice???? I would choose a younger man anyday. Besides isn't it all about the sex?

Back to work

Well I am back at work today. Not much is going to change here. Not that I thought it would.

My mouth is still sore from the visit at the dentist. I checked the menu for lunch today. They said they were having whipped potatoes. I was so looking forward to this. There is not a lot I can eat at this point.

So I head on in to the cafe, when there is this woman in front of the door on a cell phone. She is just standing there blocking the door talking on the phone. Now it is bad enough that I have to deal with that shit while driving, but add to the fact that I can't eat the way I normally do, well it got to me.

So being hungry and cranky, I glared at her. It did not help at all. She just kind of shot me a look and stood there. Finally she moved and I was able to get in the door. God help her. If she would have taken any longer I would have put that phone up her nose and used a 2x4 to help me get it there.

So I get inside, and get up to the counter. I don't see any whipped potatoes. So I ask, "where are the whipped potatoes?" The guy behind the counter seeing I was gritting my teeth said, "oh we decided not to make them". He said it too easy. Like he didn't care. Thank god there was rice. Because I had to settle for white sticky rice.

I wondered around looking to see what else I could just shove in my mouth with out having to chew. I looked at the soups,, chunky soups. There were lots of salads, expensive sandwiches, and very expensive yogurt. No jello of course. They don't make jello here.

I did manage to find a cheaper yogurt hidden behind the more expensive ones. I think someone put it there on purpose. So I snagged it.

So my lunch consisted of white rice and berry yogurt. Not much for being filling. I am ready for a cup of coffee now.

I have been drinking plenty of fluids. I can hear my stomach swishing around when I moved. I figure if I keep it full of liquids then I won't be hungry. Maybe this will work.

In the meantime, I will try to control my temper and not take it out on the cell phone woman, or the potatoe guy. But by God there had better be soft food tomorrow for lunch or someone will be missing a body part.

Closure on the Dentist

Well I have determined all dentists are sadists. They pulled my tooth yesterday. I was told they would sedate me and I would not remember a thing. So I took their nice little blue pill... 15 minutes later I took another one. After an hour and a half, They came in and started to work on me. They gave me the good old laughing gas,,, but I was not laughing. They shot me up with novacaine. They waited for the novacaine to take effect. They told me I would not remember a thing and every thing would be fine.

I remember every thing. I remember squirming in the chair. I remember getting the shots. I remember him stitching my gum shut. They had to cut my gum open to get the root out. I remember the whole thing.

The dentist realized he made a mistake and apologized to my husband. Nice. Not to me, to my husband. Then has the nerve to tell him,, Oh she needs more work done. Try to get her to come back.

OH MY GOD!!!!!

Ok, I am going to fact the fact I need a dentist to fix my teeth, I will face the fact that no matter who I go to it is going to hurt like hell. So I will toughen up and go. I won't like it but what the hell am I suppost to do.

I HATE AND FEAR DENTISTS.

Seduction

Here is a news article from Yahoo's new web magazine call Shine.

16 sneaky ways to seduce someone.
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/16-ways-to-seduce-someone-204338/

Ok, usually a person knows when they are being seduced. If they don't they are on drugs or are drunk to the point of passing out. Then it would not be considered seduction.

Lets take a look at this, really. Why do we have to be "sneaky". I can understand the need to be creative or spontaneous. That is fun. But the word sneaky just seems well, under handed and devious. Which I guess could also be fun.

I just know when I want to seduce someone, I dress a certain way, I give them a certain look or I act a certain way. I may come on to them in a way I would not in every day life.

There is fun to being seductive. We get to act out a life most of us are not used to. Society as a whole does not run around seducing each other 24 hours a day. We have work lives and such. If we are married and have children, most wives tend to be "too tired" to be seductive. Some women are too shy to be seductive.

I think of all the women in the world, the most seductive on is Angelina Jolie. She has it down to a fine art. Women can learn a lot by watching her. We don't need to look like her, dress like her, or have her body. But we need to watch how she carries herself. She is every confident. She gets that sheepish look in her eyes. That cute little grin. The grin is what gets most guys.

Ladies, if you develop a grin, you can work it. You need to be confident. You need to have pride in yourself.

Wow,, that says a lot. Do what it takes to make yourself feel attractive. If it means losing a few extra pounds do it. If it means buying the sexy nightie, go for it. Be seductive. Take that extra long bath, treat yourself so you feel seductive. go the extra mile. You will thank yourself.

Once you learn how to be seductive, and once you learn how fun it really is, it becomes easy to live a seductive life. That does not mean you have to be a slut. But who knows. Maybe deep inside you really are. Go for it. But please for Gods sake, use a condom.

Dead Like Me

I am into this show called Dead Like Me. It was only 2 seasons long. It was on the sci-fi channel. Now I am not a sci-fi person but I really like this show. If you have not seen it I highly recommend it. It looks at death from a different perspective. Some times it really makes you stop and think.

My son seems to think it is a stupid show but had has not sat down and watched it.

I can relate to the main person in the show named George. Her real name is Georgia. Her mom is a total control freak and bitch. George at the nice age of 18 dies in a very unusual way. ( You really need to watch it.) Before she died, she was having an identity crisis. Now that she is dead, she becomes a reaper and it having a very difficult time with her identity. She is learning more about life now that she is dead than when she was a live.

This was a great show and it is really to bad there was only 2 seasons.

Also recently out was The Bucket List. This show is about making a list and doing all the things on the list before you die.

Which has me thinking, Do I have a bucket list? Do you have a bucket list? Do we think about our own death?

Tell me, if we knew we had a short time to live, I bet we would have a bucket list. So tell me why does it take imminent death to move us to make a bucket list. What would happen if we lived each day like it was our last?

Would depression become a thing of the past? Would people become nicer? Would the world look differently to us?

Tell me about your bucket list. I am going to write one up and get back to you later in the week on this.

My father recently passed away from prostate cancer. He was "ready" to go. How does one make that decision? How does one truly know they are ready? What happens if they think they are ready and then find out after they are gone that they weren't really ready after all?

Do they get to come back as someone else? Do we get a choice of coming back?
What if reapers really exist in this world? What if we do have a time limit?

There is a saying, "only the good die young" I don't believe that at all. Every one dies. Sometimes the bad die young.

Why did the Indians put there dead up above the group, yet we bury our friends and family 6 feet under? Or cremate them or what ever?

I know this blog is rather dark and depressing but if you were to die tomorrow, would you be happy with the way you lived your life? Or the choices you have made?

Think about your bucket list and get back to me.

Dr.Dread part 2

So after I heal from a few days of pain.. my faith in dentists slowly disappears. But I keep going. I want to have good teeth and set a good example for my kids.

As time goes on, I start having trouble with a tooth. A root canal is in order. Ok, I can deal with this. So I drag my self in. The assistant explains to me that they are upgrading there equipment and that I MAY have to move to a different room during the procedure. Ok fine. Well here I sit in the chair and the assistant tells me she wants to take an impression of my teeth. Ok. Well she does not tell me that the "clay" or what ever they use is ice cold.

I literally flew out of the chair when she tried to put it in my mouth. I told her no way could she do that. She said she had to. I told her no. She argued with me. She left in a huff and went to get the dentist. I sat back in the chair and tried to relax. He came in and looked at who I was.

He appologized all over. He was horrified that the assistant acted that way. He explained to her my problems and told her, they would have to do it the old fashioned way. Being I was happy with that, I relaxed a little bit. What I did not realize was the old fashion way could be just as painful.

They put the gooey stuff in my mouth with a plate it was nice and warm. What I could not see was The tubes that ran from the plate down around behind me to the facet. It started to circulate water though and slowly cooled the gooey putty like stuff in my mouth. It got colder and colder. Then it got to the point where it was quite painful. The assistant held my shoulders and talked to me in a really nice tone. She was encouraging me to sit still that it was only a few minutes more. I finally made it.

So the plate was taken out. The impression was made. The dentist came in and appologized again. Then he proceeded to numb me. I sat in the chair and waited. When I was numb they put in the rubber dam and started to work. Sure enough, I had to change rooms. So here I am rubber dam in my mouth, walking down the hall to another room.

I get in the new room and have a new assistant. The Dr Dread and her are agruing a little bit. He asks for suction and she said that was all she had. In the mean, time he is drilling in my mouth. He looks at her and asks for more suction. She said this is all I have. So I sit there listening to them argue. And then, oh wait, pain, wait.... Dr Dread???? Wait,, Stop... Wait... I have pain...

He stops, and asks me what is wrong. I have tears in my eyes. He asked me if it hurt. I shake my head yes. So he pulls the dam to one side and injects me 3 more times. He then grabs the suction from the assistant and turns the suction up all the way. He tries to suction my mouth and nothing happens. The assistant screams at him and said "SEE THAT IS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TELLING YOU". She gets up and leaves the room. Dr. Dread starts to remove the rubber dam when there is a thud outside the door.

Dr Dread gets up and runs out. He yells call 911.. Apparently his assistant is passed out on the floor. Here I sit, rubber dam half way in and half way out. no suction. No assistant. EMTs running all around. They load her up and haul her away. Apparently her blood pressure shot through the roof.

So now I have no assistant, and no suction. They remove the rubber dam. Now the novacaine has wore off again, and I must have yet more injections of this wonderful drug.

So 3 hours after I go in for an 1 1/2 hour proceedure, I am told I can go home. Oh and here let me give you pain killers for that tooth. The one that no longer has any roots and you should not feel anyway.

So why am I telling you all this???? I have a dentist appointment Monday. OH GOD!!!!!! Here we go. This one is a sedation dentist. I want to be out cold. I don't want to remember anything.

My biggest fear.

Wow,, I am being very open with this one. It is a common fear. A lot of people have this fear. I know this for a fact. My son has the same fear. I did not have this fear as a child. It took a while to develope this fear. My fear is .......the DENTIST.

When I was a little girl, I was curious. My denstist was a military man. He was very clean and well shaved. I learned that he gave a way little toys if you were good. I was very excited. But I quickly learned he had a perverse dark side. He would not wait till you were numb to work on you.

I know for a fact that he loved watching me squirm in my chair while he drilled on my teeth. I kept telling him it hurt. He told me it is impossible that he had numbed it. But damn,, it really hurt.

He finally retired. Dad got dental insurance, we got a new dentist. This dentist was great, I really like him. No problems. I grew up moved a way got married. Then my husband introduced me to his dentist. I will call him Dr Dread. He as really a nice guy. It was his office I dreaded. By this time, I was weary of dentists.

I explained to him the problems I had with my other denstist. That I was having trouble emotionally coming to him. I also explained that my teeth by this time were overly sensitive to hot and cold. He told me he would make me as comfortable as possible. So I continued to go to him. It was fine for a while.

Well as time went on, I started to trust him. Then it happened. I had to go in and have a tooth pulled. No biggy,,, just a wisdom tooth.. one on each side. He pulled them no problem, he packed them with cotton. The cotton was soaked with clove oil. Then he gave me pain killers and told me not to take them on an empty stomach. He also told me not to gargle or suck on anything (?) because I would get dry socket. Well,,,, the cloves made me sick to my stomach and I could not eat anything and so there for could not take the pain killers. Oh did I mention this was on a Friday afternoon??? I suffered all weekend. No pain killers, no food. I was dry heaving.

Monday rolled around, I went in to Dr. Dreads office, I told him I was in pain. He said take the pain killers. I, still with cotton in my mouth, told him I could not because I was sick to my stomach. He said, well you have to eat to take the pain killers so eat. I told him I could not because I would through up. After 15 minutes of struggling to get through to him that it was the packing that was making me sick, he offered to repack it. But he started to soak it in cloves again. I told him no. He didn 't understand. He said it would make me feel better. I told him it was making me sick to my stomach. So reluctantly he just repacted my gums. Then 3 days later the pain really set in,,,, I had dry socket. I was in pain,, bad pain for 5 days straight.

More on this later

No Beer

Ok. I didn't get my beer last night. Oh well.

So it will be hotter than hell these next few days. We will manage to live through them I am sure. I am just glad I don't live in the desert.

So I will try not to rant about my husband today.

So lets talk about music. I love music. I will listen to anything but opera and rap. But after yesterday I am going to learn to like rap. I learned that when rap comes on, my hubby goes for a walk, or leaves the room. It was an "hmmmm" moment for me.

So, I have listened to a little bit of Snoop Dogg, and some others, because of my son. But now I need to broaden my horizons a little bit.

I have a friend I have mentioned before. Her name is Kirst. She is the musical trivia goddess. I can ask her anything about music and instantly she has an answer. She can tell me anything about anyone in the music industry, in any genre. (She is also my beer drinking buddy)

So with a little help from my friends I will learn about the world of rap. I will learn that it is Fiddy not fiffy cent. I will learn more about women in rap, kids in rap, and what makes the rap world go round.

I will find out is it not M&M but Emimen??? I am not even sure I got that right. So I will tune into "youtube" learn rap and who is who. I will enlighten you with what I have learned. Maybe even attach some links to my favorite videos so you can see what I have learned. Show you some favorites.

As far as language??? I have pretty much heard it all. I have been around loggers, farmers, ranch hands, and the sorts. I grew up with 5 brothers. Actual sex was not talked about in our house but I did learn about it else where. There was alot of sexual hinting going on at the house but never actual verbalization.

But I will never forget the day my grandmother flipped everyone off and then when we all sat there in shock, then she asked what it meant. OH MY GOD GRANDMA!!!!! god rest her soul.
She used to brag about getting caught under the spar tree with grandpa, by my brothers,,, yuck,,, I could not vision that.

But I am looking forward to some rap. I am looking forward to getting my feet wet,, or maybe something else???!!!?? I don't know we will see. So if you have suggestions. Send them too me. I would like to hear them

anger issues

So I seem to be having these anger issues today. Go figure. I am married to a man that
1) seems to think he can tell me what to do
2) thinks he can tell me how to raise my grown children
3) thinks he knows everything
4) doesn't realize how close I am to leaving him
5) doesn't care that my kids hate him
6) doesn't care what I seem to think
the list goes on. And it does not seem to matter that his kids never call not even at Christmas.

Last night he about ended up on the street. He was pretty damn close.

Today, I am still having anger issues, this time with my daughter.
1) she is 28 and clueless
2) she has 2 kids and does not use birth control
3) she is still having sex
4) she lost custody of one of the kids and needs to pay child support
5) she just was offered and job and lost it before her first day??? Yes
6) the list goes on.

Tonight I will have anger issues. Why??? Because I want a beer and have no money
1) I love beer
2) I need beer
3) Beer is my life
4) Beer is my best friend
5) Beer has been there in the best of time and in the worst.
6) Beer has always been there for me.
7) No Beer can not make it better but at least I am happier with Beer
8) Beer always agrees with me.
9) I could never be angry at Beer.
10) Beer never talks back
11) Beer can make me laugh at the dumbest stuff.
12) Beer never ever leaves me empty


With that said, I will find a way to have beer tonight. I will tune out my husband. I will tune out my blood sucking kids. I will put ear plugs in grab my book, drink several cold ones, and enjoy my life ignoring the asshats that bug the shit out of me. I will not worry about all the shit that is going on in my life.

I will let my anger go. I will breath in the smell of wonderful brew. I will savor the taste of each and every drop as it passes over my lips. I will cherish every moment that it starts effecting the muscles in my head and neck, causing them to relax. I will eventually put my feet up and if my blood sucking family comes out to say anything I will just waive with my middle finger and tell them I am too busy to listent to them and leave me a note. I will read it tomorrow.

If the don't like it they know where the fuck the damn door is.

Just remember world: Beer a womens best friend

Nightmare in the Timberland

I have this nightmare that involves the same person over and over.

Let me give you some history.

When I was in 6th grade I had a crush, not love, not like, it was a crush. He was the same age. We spent a lot togethers because my older brother and his older brother were on the wrestling team together. Not only that, the same blrother dated my sister. Any Jim, and I were sweet on each other. We went to different schools but saw each other every Friday night at the wrestling matches. He gave me my first ever kiss.

When we got into high school, we were in the same grade so had some of the same classes. We flirted like crazy but I would never go out with him. We just had too much fun flirting. It turned out that when we graduated we walked in and out together. It was kind of nice.

We lost track of each other. After my marriage failed, I decided to look him up. I did end up finding him not very far from where I currently lived. We started dating. He had changed a lot. He was into marshal arts. Had his own studio and was teaching kids. He claimed at one time he had gotten on to the dark side of things and did some things he was not proud of.

We ended up getting engaged. That is were things fell apart. He started drinking a passing out. I was drinking as much as he was. His roommate started hitting on me. The next thing I know, I was doing his roommate. I backed out of the relationship.

I have not talked to Jim since then. He has married someone else and has kids.

Now about my dream. I keep dreaming some how he comes back into my life. It is not a good thing. He is every controlling. No matter how hard I try to escape, he is there. He is watching me. I can't run. I can't hide. He is just always there.

I am in a big house trying to find a way out. There is no way to escape.

I am wondering if this is my guilt coming out. But as far as I know he is happy, why should I feel guilty? He is married with children. I am guessing he is very happy.

This is not the first time he has entered my dreams. He keeps coming back like a Jason movie. Each time, I am scared and running. And he? He looks happy that I am scared. He is smiling the entire time. He takes his time following me, I am running like a scared deer.

How do I deal with this? Do I go to see a shrink? I won't tell my husband, He trys to analyze everything any way and none of it makes any sense.

How do I get Jim to go a way?

One Night Stands

I read an article about one night stands and how women regret them more than men do. I guess I am an exception to the rule. I have never regreted a one night stand. In fact I have encouraged one night stands.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/2193328/Women-have-more-regrets-than-men-over-one-night-stands.html

Don't get me wrong, I think men are great and they have a lot to offer in a relationship. I just don't have a lot of patience for them. I don't see eye to eye with most men. I guess the way I look at things tends to be out of the norm.

I like that they make me look at life a little differently. Each guy has offered a different insight to the world and their veiws tend to be interesting. It is always interesting to find out what they see as being important to them.

Some think that sports is the most important thing, others food, and some even place sex at the top of the list. Wow, who would have guessed? Then there are those few who say what they think you want to hear, the ones who want more than just a one night stand? Family, career, spouse.

Now I am on my 4th marriage. The first marriage, the number one thing on the list was parties, granted we were 18 with a child. I stay in touch with this man, because of my daughters. Now after suffering a heart attack and diabetes, do you know what his number one thing is now at the age of 48? Parties and a good time.

Marriage number 2. This marriage a little more sensable. I guess. I looked for a good God fearing man with a stable home life. His parents never divoriced. We actually lived together for about 3 years before we got married. I got an annulment from my first husband and I was allowed to get married in a Catholic church.

The number one thing in his life was money, closely followed by sex. This was a good thing, or so I thought. I was put on an allowance of 5 dollars a week and I was not to handle any of the money. I worked a full time job as well as he did. We were saving for a house. So I bit my tongue and put up with it. Only to find out he was sexually attracted to younger women... much younger well girls... little girls... I quickly divoriced him. But it was too late. My daughter suffered.

Husband #3, money was not an issue, mainly because he did not care. He did not have a job, he lived off his mom. I should have run the other way. But I didn't. I just knew he would change. I worked, he stayed home. That never changed.

Husband #4, Retired military. Set in his ways. Sex is not an issue. Never will be, because it does not function, as in, it does not get hard. Besides he is not that good in bed and I have given up on him. He does not like my kids, My kids do not like him. I play mediator between them . I am growing tired. I am ready to move on.

Will I get married again? Hell No. I will just buy stock in condoms and batteries and have my pleasure that way.

No condoms no sex.

So as far as regretting one night stands ????? Never!!! I have never regretted any one night stand. I never will, and I look forward to many many more.