Life lessons

Life grows more complicated with the older you get. It seems like life should get easier. But it does not.

Sure the kids grow up and leave the house. Then they come home and need to borrow money or need to move back in, or something else. You have to wonder how you made it. I must say I am proud of what I accomplished in life. Yes I had help from my parents but, most of it I did on my own.

Now I am in my parents shoes. Wow... My parents are both gone. But, I know how they felt if we came and asked for help. I guess I need to become tougher. I need to be harder on my kids. Yes the economy is bad, but I was a single parent and raising 2 and then 3 children on my own.

When it comes to my kids, I am and have too easy on them. I need to toughen up.

This is not an easy thing to do. I am too much of a push over. But I have to do this.

Its funny, I can stand up to my hubby and tell him what I think but I can not do it to my kids.

Well we will see how it goes.

Friendship

Well this is not a topic I seem to know much about.

I am not a good friend. Nor do I claim to be. I am just a person that seems to pass through peoples lives. I do try to be a good friend. I never pass judgement on other people. Oh wait. I guess I do some times.

I am never rude to people. Oh wait... yes I am.

Wow,,, all the things I thought I was,,, I am .

Hmmmm,,,, interesting. Do I feel bad,, yes and no. Yes I do because I hurt people. I don't mean to. I really do want to be a good friend. I just don't realize how much I am into me and end up hurting others.

No I don't feel bad because I do it to myself every time. I get close to someone and then I ruin it some how. Is this bad,,, yes of course it is.

I have never really look at this aspect of my life before till I lost a really good friend. He was my best friend. I was stupid and hurt his feelings. I didn't mean to.

I know he reads my blog,, am I reaching out to him?? yes of course. Will it help? I don't know. I just know I miss him. I do feel bad.

I wish I was not so inept when it comes to people. I feel like I should just stay on the farm and play with the animals.

Self pity??? YES... I just lost my best friend. I have been selfish, and self centered.

Stress level

Ok my stress level is up there.

I have a grandchild on the way. Originally there were plans that some one in the family was going to watch the other child till I could get up there Friday night after work. Well that plan fell through when "something more important" came up.

Then my other daughter was going to do it. Now she can't, she needs to find a job. Chances are, she won't even look. So guess who will be calling in sick on Friday to tend to the grandson while the granddaughter is arriving in the world? ME!

In the meantime, home life sucks.
Marriage sucks.
Depression is overwhelming right now.
I need time away from everything.
I have been incredibly angry at everyone and every thing.

I need to step back and just chill. I need time away...

When I started blogging I was going to blog about good things, funny things.. it has become more of a place for me to bitch than anything.

I am sorry world for another person who comes to the blogging world to bitch about her life.

signing out for the day

No more Olympics for me

I am about done with the Olympics.

Football is starting.

I know, I know,, it is only the scrimages,, but still it is football. And I love football.

This year will be interesting. I am still struggling on who to cheer for. I may have to wait till the season is in full swing before I decide.

College ball ought to be fun this year as well.
I don't know many of the kids on the teams this year. I only know one or two left on the Oregon Ducks team and that is about it. But I will always cheer for the Ducks.

There are still a lot of changes to be made before the season actually starts. So I will continue to watch and voice my opinion. I wish money was not so tight I would get dish so I could watch more football. But until something changes in my house, I will have to suffer with standard tv.

Life goes on with or with out the Olympics.

It seems sad to me that the attitude some atheletes have. Take Sweden's wrestler Ara Abrahamain. The guy took 3rd. He got a bronz. He removed his medal and threw it and stormed off.
http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/news?slug=reu-wrestling&prov=reuters&type=lgns

Now his coach blames politics. Ok, yes we all know politics has a lot to do in the games. Or do we?
I did not see his preformance. I don't know how well he did or didn't do.

But all in all, he should be thankful he even made it that far. Most people don't. What about one of the "replacements", I am sure they would have stood proudly on the podium with the bronze metal.

As long as we are on the topic, what about the so of the other "questionable" things going on.
Gymnastics has 2 girls who barely look 12 yet their country says they are 14 and legal to compete.

The little girl who lipsynch the song in the opening of the olympics because the real singer was not "cute" enough????

And what about the 41 yr old American female swimmer who underwent multiple drug tests to prove she was not doing steriods or any other drug enhancing stuff, just so she could compete. She is just thrill to be there.

Yet we will forget all about this till the next Olympics.
All I can say is I hope that Vancouver BC Winter Olympics will have less contriversy that what is happening here and now.

Mexico took a bronze in female synchromnized 10 meter platform diving.
Do you think they threw there metals? No they were proud of the achievements.

So buck up, and get over yourself. Put the drama behind you and get back to the games and compete. Be thankful your there. You could be sitting home watching the Olympics instead

The Olympics

Ok so everyone is watching the Olympics. I got it.

I enjoy the Olympics. I was fine with it till Bush got on there and they started talking politics. Enough already. Let me watch the games.

My son and I would like to see table tennis... Where is the table tennis??? We enjoyed the swimming, the rowing was ok, the gymnasics was good, as well as the bike riding. The beach volleyball was fun. The basketball was great.

Why isn't Football a part of the Olympics?
They have soccer.. Do they have rugby?
What about Lacrosse?
I know they have the lawn bowling thing. I would like to see that also.

What about the equestrian stuff?
Some one mentioned boxing, I guess I missed that. Oh well. Someone has to work. But I would like to see the table tennis. Do they have a place to go on line to watch what has already been done?

Well,,,, I will continue to watch now that Bush has left the building.

OH and wait,, I wanted to see that 41yr old woman compete in swimming and I missed that as well. I want to see a replay.

Crap,, I am missing it all. Damn it.

Time for me to vacation, every 2 years just so I can veg in front of the TV and watch the Olympics.

Anyway, China????? Smog???? good lord. Its bad over there.

My son was home watching water polo today... I want to see it. No replays tonight I missed it.
I need TIVO

Oh well...

Darkness

She wanders through the darkness not knowing where she is going.
She just walks and walks.
She is alone.

Sometimes she thinks she hears water rushing.
She is sure it is her imagination.

Sometimes she thinks she sees something.
She knows it is too dark to see anything.

Still she wanders.
She does not know where she is going or where she has been.

Sometimes she stumbles and falls.
She picks herself up and continues on.

She realizes she is naked.
But she is not cold.
Still she is alone.

She does not know where she has been.
She does not know if she has been there before.

Still she wanders in the world of darkness
Not knowing where she will end up.
Not knowing if she will be safe.
Not knowing if there is an end.

The darkness consumes her.
It is all she knows.
She is becoming accustom to it.

There is some comfort living in the dark.
She feels safe but still does not know what lies ahead.
She feels like she wants to stay in the darkness.

She does not want to leave here.
So how does she choose?
Should she stay in the dark or seek out the light?

Child Custody

This is a touchy subject. I know I will step on toes here. But please keep in mind I am dealing with only ONE family in particular and not people in general here.

My oldest daughter is not the brightest light bulb in the pack. She tends to do what pleases her and not really what is in the best interest of those that depend on her. (Meaning her kids.)

A few years back she lost custody of her son to his father because "she lived a vagabon lifestyle" .
Even though they always had a roof over her and her childrens head, they moved around alot.
Which means the kids moved too, and her son changed schools alot. He was doing poorly in school.

Well the father, who was a dead beat dad, got his act together, expoushed his and his now wife's past record and applied for custody after several custodial interferance issues.

Well my daughters lawyer was worthless and didn't bring up any issues and lost custody.

Now every time my daughter turns around she is being harrassed by the dad for something.

To make a long story short, My grandson was allowed to come visit us for a week. He came to us bearing worms. I kid you not, the child has worms. He told his " step mom". She said oh it is ok all boys get them and they just go away.

So we took him to the doctor and got him medicine. The problem is --- dad won't listen.
I don't know what to do.

My daughter does not want to do anything. She does not want to make waves.

I just have to stay out of it.

I am furious.

I am angry.

I over stepped my bounds and called my daughters lawyer.
I am waiting for a call back.
As far as I am concerned this is child neglect.

I want to press charges. My daughter might not but I do.

My own little world

Life goes on in my own little world.

I continue to take each day as it comes. I do not question the obvious at this time. There will be a time and a place to do that. Right now I just want to absorb what is happening.

So I go to work each day. Listen to my music, and ponder my world.
I think about what is important to me.

Life
Love
Sex
Humor
Health
Money
Power

It is interesting the things we look at when our backs are against the wall, when we face adversity.

I had a busy weekend. I was up at 5 this morning, so I am beat. I could use some sleep right about now.
I have alot going on in my own little world.
It keeps spinning each day.

Wow,, surprise surprise surprise

Well. Life seems like it is full of surprises.

It appears my husband has a bank account with another woman.
She lives in Colorado.

I wonder what else he is hiding.
Why does he have this account?

I know that he has at least 4 accounts now.
I know he has a seperate post office box.
I know he has his mail in his drawer in the bedroom where
no one can see it.

I know he is Colorado right now with her.
I wonder what they are doing?
I wonder who she is.
Better yet, I wonder who he is.