Damned if you do, damned if you don't

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090819/hl_time/08599191721500

Todays topic - Lies.

Click on the link above. Read the article. It is an interesting article.

Looking at what I read or got out of the article is that everyone lies. That sounds reasonable. Whether you tell a little white lie or a big fat juicy lie.

The fact that everyone lies is no big news. People lie about themselves all the time. They lie about their abilities in every day life. They even have started lying to themselves.

Yes it is a vicous cycle.

I found it interesting that Robert Feldman, not only studied this phenomeon but gave us insights as to how often it happens.

He does not offer any help on preventing it. Although he did say that if you are honest, you will probably not be the most popular person in the office or school or in life its self.

So my question is, do we really want to be honest? Yes honesty is the best policy. But does honesty help you get that really great job you want? Does it help you get the great person in your life that you have been hitting on?

So lying has become a way of life. If your in sales, you might lie about your product, or fudge on the particulars about the product your trying to sell.

We lie to potential mates. We tend to boast about things we might have done or have acomplished in life. Or we tend to make ourselves out as being a better person than what we truly are.

We all know that EVERYONE lies about their weight. Who wants to have 300lbs listed on their drivers license when 298 sounds so much better.

What would happen to the world if everyone stopped lying? Would polititians have a job? What about lawyers who bend and twist the truth? Would we really need to have Judges to determine who was in the right and who was, well.. lying about the situation.

This is a strange and twisted world that we live in. We have to lie to be socially exceptable. But if we get caught, then we are labeled as a liar and they throw in the word "cheat".


This also kind of hits on the saying - Nice guys finish last. Because they do. It happens all the time. Because if you tell people your a nice guy? You could be lying. You really may be a jerk. So who are you lying to?

If your a nice guy, you will be lying to other people. Because nice guys don't say mean things to people. You tend to be cautious and pad your comments. Say a woman comes in with her hair dyed multi color, you find it offensive but tell the person it looks good. There you have 2 lies. Your lying to yourself and your lying to the person your talking to.

If we tell them it looks like shit. We are jerks.

So the way I see it, society has put us in the middle. If we are honest, we are jerks, a** holes, and mean. If we lie, and we are caught, we are jerks, a** holes and liars. So there is no happy medium.

Robert Feldman did not give us any answers as how to stop lying, nor did he say it was a bad thing. He did acknowledge the fact that people lie. They lie alot. Daily. Hourly. They lie to co-workers, mates, and our own children.

Oh yeah, we even teach our children how to lie. Great. No wonder no one trusts anyone any more.

Here we go again

Brett Favre.

The name is big in football. He's a great quarterback. He is well known. He is a great guy. You can't say too many bad things about Brett.

BUT, please,, I am a Favre fan. My son has a personally autographed football helmet from him. But if your going to retire, then retire. I know you have lived your whole life for football. I get that. But you need to make up your mind. In or Out.

I think it is wrong to stay on the fence, make teams jump through hoops for you, delay your decisions, then at the last minute say ok. I will play.

Brett, We have morned with you, we have morned for you. You have kept us hopping, you have given us thrills and chills. But this whole thing of not being able to decide?? Come on.

I know you want the spot light, but maybe, consider instead of retiring, try to slowly leave the sport by being a back up. I know THAT is hard to fathom. But think about it, you will still be in the game. It is just the game will not be all about you any more.

There will come a day when you won't be in the game. There won't be a team that wants you.
Right now, your a loose cannon. Your starting to get on peoples nerves because one minute your in and the next your out.

I love to watch you play, your involvement in the game will be missed. I loved watching you interact with your teammates. The smiles and the excitement you had was great.

You just can't keep toying with people this way. Your loosing your fans. People are getting fed up.

Brett, from a fan of yours, you really need to consider what your doing to the fans of football. Your turning them off.

yes I know the whole Mike Vick thing, yes that is a turn off too and he did much worse than you did. Yes he paid his dues and yes he deserves a second chance. But he also claims he learned his lesson.

Will you learn yours? What is going to happen when no team wants you? You will be forced into retirement. Is that what you want to happen? Is there any dignity in that? No I don't think so.

If you don't want to give up football, think about going into another part of football. Maybe a coach for a school? I know you have girls but come on. There are lots of kids out there that would love for you to mentor them, teach them. You taught my son. Indirectly of course, but his love of football is because of you.

Brett, we love you, really we do, but enough already. In or out, or semi retiree as a back up qb or even a coaching gig somewhere. Think about it. Please.

Ok, so today is Tuesday. After going home and unloading on my son and ex husband. I feel much better. Hopefully I can have some peaceful nights now.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love football. Now I am not into the stats of players, I just enjoy watching the game. I know some of the plays, I know the players, I just never bogged myself down with the logistics of the game.

Now, there is something to be said about the football player. I am not sure what it is but I will tell you, they are not "dumb jocks". These guys work hard and play hard. They make damn good money. Have you ever seen one of the play books that these guys have to learn? They are not a thin paper back. They are 3 ring binders. Pages and pages of plays that they have to learn. Then they have to learn the little nicknames of the plays.

They have to speak to the media eloquently. The media as you know tends to twist things that come out of peoples mouths. So the football player must choose his words carefully and make sure people understand what he is trying to say. I am sure they have to take classes on talking to the media.

I am sure other sports have the same things going on. The learning of plays, the sign language on the side lines or dug out. Players of any sport must be ready to talk with the media at a moments notice. You never know when they will be called on to talk.

Oh I must say at this point, that it is really cute how the players no matter how old they are, whether they are playing professional or college sports, they always say hi to mom. Being a single parent when my son grew up playing football, he knew I was in the stands. He knew I was at all his practices. On game night while he was on the field, he could pick my voice out and knew exactly the area in the stands I was. I never missed a game. Never.

Another point I want to make here is, how many football players or any sport for that matter had a single parent there for them. Every game, every practice. There are quite a few. Even in hard times, there are parents who get their kids involved in sports and support them.

My parent on the other hand, did not support my sports. So I dropped them. I had 2 parents. They had too many other things going on. I was the last of 7. I unfortunately did not get to enjoy what could have been something very good for me.

So my hats off to the parents who support their kids. The ones who attend every game, the ones who stay involved in the kids life. There were even times that I went above and beyond my duties as a parent and took care of other kids. I would pick them up for practice, I would take them home. I would provide them drinks during the games. Am I patting myself on the back, damn right I am.

It pisses me off that parents want their kids involved in sports to "keep them off the streets" but they don't show the moral support or any other kind of help to keep them involved in something good.

When a child finds a sport they love, they work harder in school, they build relationships, they learn about team work. They also learn that they affect other members on the team either directly or indirectly.

This stays with them the rest of their life. They become successful, whether in sports or business. They learn that they are needed, that they can make choices, they are smart, and that motivates them.

I feel sorry for the kids that can't afford to play sports. If a parent truly wants their kids involved in something good like sports, they can find a way. There are scholarships for kids in any sport, any where in the US. Whether it is high school, middle school or grade school. The money is there.

Do your kid a favor, get him involved in a sport. Any sport. It will build his self esteem.

Ok, so this will be my bitch session.

This involves:
Robert - ex husband
Thomas - son (Not Roberts Son)
Me

I just got a phone call. My son, who was stopped on Friday night for not having tail lights, brake lights, a license plate light and updated insurance card, just called me. He is having issues. You see, Robert, offered to help him fix the tail lights so he would not get a ticket. ( The cop let him go with out a ticket due to the econimic hard times, nice cop!)

So my son, gladly took him up on the offer. They worked all day Sunday on it. Got it all wired and the thing shorted out again. So Robert went to the autoparts store. Bought new tail lights. I specifically asked him if they would attach directly to the brake pedal and to the head lights so Son would not have to fuse with yet another switch. Robert said yes.

Well low and behold, Son calls. Robert had bought lights that had to be drilled into the bumper and did not take into consideration how Son would feel about this. Robert just went a head and drilled holes in the bumper to attach the lights. This is not what I was told would be done.

My son is mad, I am mad, Robert is mad.

Robert is mad because he just spent $60 on fixing the damn things.
Son is mad cause now he has holes in his bumper.
I am mad because neither of them talk to each other.

I asked Son, where were you when this was happening? he was in his room watching a movie. But he says, he kept an eye out for Robert so he could help and he never saw Robert.

Robert, did you go to Sons room and ask for help? No. Because he didn't want to .

You see it is shit like this that drives me nuts.

So, I went to the Pow Wow. It was fun, colorful and uneventful. I am glad about that.

The weather was perfect, not sunny and hot but warm. We didn't spend much time with hubby number 1, he was actually working at the Pow Wow. He was security.

So it was me, my daughter my 2 grandsons and Robert. We enjoyed the day of music and dancing. The costumes were colorful.

I found myself wishing there was more happening than what there was. I was told that this would be one of the biggest Pow Wow's ever. That the chief has invited everyone in Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Canada, and Alaska. I was disappointed in the turn out if that was true.

They had plenty of places to spend money there. Food was expensive. I did try an Indian Taco, it consists of flat bread with taco meat and of course lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, everything you would find on a regular taco. It was ok, in a sense it reminded me of the gordita's that Taco Bell makes.

The dancing was in a big tent. The problem was the camera I took, could not get good pictures inside even with a flash. But I did get some outside.


And now my stupid computer will not let me post the pictures. I will get them on here later. So check back

So as my life goes on, things get more exciting. I had forgot to mention yesterday that the Pow Wow that I am going to is also where husband number 3 lives. Yes he is indian. Will his family and him be there??? Yes,, most likely they will be. Hopefully I can blend into the crowd with out a lot of commotion. His family tend to be overly dramatic, overly obessive, does not let things in the past go. But with the Pow Wow being as big as it is, I don't think I will run into any of them.

On the home front, my son is looking for a job. He knows his days at the golf course are limited. He knew when he took it that it was seasonal. So he has been looking for work. He has come to realize that with out a good education, his job oppertunities are very limited. You would think that might motivate him to go to school. But it is not.

My oldest daughter is due with her first daughter in October. So she will have 2 boys and a girl. She is looking forward to having a girl. She says she is a little nervous because she knows things will be different with a girl. Then she dreads the teen years. LOL... I hope she turns out just like her mom. That way my daughter will know exactly what she put me through.

Then there is my middle child. Overbearing, stubborn, hardheaded, demanding, I could go on but you get the idea. She has managed to pull a family together. She has 2 children, a house, 2 cars, and 3 dogs. Her hubby is a cop. She has started her own business. This is good. She is a photographer and is doing very well.

The office here where I work, is moving across town this next spring. Now when I say across town, I don't mean just a couple of miles, it is about 8 - 10 miles. Ok may be I am exaggerating some what but it will add a good 20-30 minutes on my commute time, and that is on a good day.

So I will be moving from a small town, to the large city of Portland. I have not yet decided how I am going to pull this off. I do know that all my debts are falling into place and I am close to having paid them off. So I should be able to make the move. However, my son who is 22, is whining because he can't afford to live by himself and does not want to live in Portland.

I gave him one year to get it together. I feel that is enough time. He as 2 friends that could be roommates. So he has the capabilities he just needs to find that full time job.

So I am moving forward with my life. I will keep you posted on the pow wow.

Ok, so I am seperated from my husband. He refuses to give up. That is fine, but I am not taking him back.

About a year ago, I told my daughter that I would take her to the Grand Ronde Pow Wow. Now for those of you who don't know what a Pow Wow is, it is a social gathering for Native Americans. So Indians from all tribes are invited. This year the invitation has been expended to Canada. At this gathering, they sing? or chant as you will, they dance and they wear the native costumes. It is very colorful and the atmosphere is every joyous. It is actually a lot of fun to go. There is something to be said about the beating of drums. It kind of draws you in.

So anyway, I will be attending this Pow Wow with my daughter, my 2 grandsons, her boyfriend and her father. Yes my other ex will be with us. So now I have 2 ex's going. This shall be fun.

Now many years have passed since I was married to Rich. We have managed to make amends and move on from our differences. There have been times I have actually called him and talked to him on the phone. So I would say we are friends, but that is about it. I don't go out of my way to talk to him.

So Robert doesn't feel Rich will be an issue. I did tell Robert that Rich and I are friends and that I would be talking with him and joking around. His comment? Oh your over him and I am not worried. ??? what the hell.

Yes I am over him. But I can't wait to see how Robert reacts to my interactions with Rich. So we will have a fun and interesting weekend.

I will write more about it this Sunday. I will let you know how it went.

Please don't beg

Ok, look,, I understand at relationships are great. I also understand to that there are people out there that can't live without someone in their lives. I call them the "people that need people".

I don't think I am one of them.

I went to dinner with my soon to be ex-husband. I know this is weird but I felt that there were things that needed to be dealt with. It was his idea and I went along with it. I felt a restaurant was a safe place to meet. Hubby would not create a scene out in public. It is not in his character to bring attention to himself. This is a good thing to know.

So, dinner was good, other than it was hot out and the air conditioner was not working really well in the restaurant. I was sweating while eating. Not a pretty sight. When suddenly out of no where he hits me with it.. I was not prepared.

"I think we can resolve our differences." What????? Where the hell did that come from??? I did not see that one comimg. He said that we were meant to be together and that we should not let "petty" things tear us apart.

So in my brain,, I am thinking ,,, petty??? What is "petty" in this situation? Ok, my kids grown and gone yet still a very big part of my life,,, they are petty??? Because that is what blew this relationship apart. So I "mentally" dug deeper.

Is it that ,,, hmmm,,, hubby does not get along with my kids.. could be.. or is it that he is delusional about the situation and thinking that he gets along with them fine. ,,, yes,, that is a big one. My kids come to me to complain about him all the time. He just does not see it nor does he hear it because they come to me.

He brags about the fact that his kids moved out at 18 and never moved back in. Ok,,, good for him. Come to think about it, they don't call him much either. They seem to forget his birthday, fathers day, easter, oh yeah,,, and Christmas. They are "too busy" to call.

My kids aren't they call me everyday. Ok yes, they may be in my life a little too much but at least they are thoughtful enough to let me know they care.

Do they want to borrow money?? No.
Do they want to move in?? sometimes but not lately, my place is much too small.

So back to the "petty" things that have ruined this marriage.

Enter the word "depression". Depression is real. I have depression. So the situation is, Hubby is depressed, he stopped showering, shaving, and complains all the time. So I tell him,, your meds are not working you are depressed.

Ok now hubby is taking med, but the problem is, he is on military insurance. Ok fine. But here is the problem. According to him, you can't just make an appointment and go in. You have to call in and let "them" know your having problems. Then "they" call you back and tell you when you can come it.

This does not work for me. I had him on my insurance and all he did was complain about my insurance and how all the doctors that are not on military are wacked. ???? What the f____?
Ok.

So while I am at work, he sits on the computer. We have 6 freaking cars that are broken down in the driveway. By the way, we rent and my landlord is not happy. not a good thing.
My son would call me and tell me that hubby was not doing anything. Just sitting. He was not even surfing the net, he would sit in front of the computer doing nothing. No games, no surfing, nothing. It was like he had to protect the computer. No one could use the computer because he had this a-- planted in front of it.

So when things finally came to a head and I told him I wanted him out, he could not believe it. This happened right around the first of the month. So being a wise man, he pops up with " Well if I am not going to be living here, then I am not paying rent. "

I had to keep from laughing because as he is saying this, I am sitting with the rent money in my pocket. Ok no problem. So I told him rent was already taken care of and he could leave anytime. He was not prepared for that, he was stunned.

So it took him 4 days to pack his mail and his clothes into the van and leave.

So let me recap "petty"
No motivation
Lack of cleanliness
argumentive
Does not get along with my kids
hates the current living situation but won't do anything about it
guards the computer when no one is around

I could go on but why?
Hubby would be a great friend but that is it.

I really don't see us getting back together. My life has been so much more relaxed without him in it.

So then he hits me with,,, the doctor changed my meds,, I am much better now.

Ok, this has been going on for 2 yrs. I am tired, I am stressed. But you know what jackie,, it is time to move on.

I will not go back and live with him again. Why??? My kids, his attitude towards them. He has even said, he put too much on me when he should have just let things go.

He is right. He was the one bitching about being petty. Now he is the one who wants to let "petty" things go and work things out.

I tried to tell him in the nicest way, NO. I am done. I don't have time for this anymore.
I am tired of being the go between with him and my kids.
I am tired of the way he treats my kids.
For gods sake, I know my kids are grown and gone. They don't live at home. But you don't treat someone elses kids like they are a big problem in your life. First of all, they are my kids, they are my problem.

I have a hard enough time dealing with them that I don't need to have to listen to him bitch about them.

The other thing I am tired of ???? Well,, I am tired of the secrets he has. It seems that hubby has a checking account with another women who lives in Colorado. hmmmmm, ok,,, We live in OREGON. Who is this woman and why is he sharing his money with her?

This man has 5 checking accounts that I know of. ok,,, WHY????
With his retirement and pensions, and my income, and this is according to him,, we should have about $6000 a month to pay bills and buy food and such... So tell me then why are we always broke? How much money are you giving to this "other woman" and why?

I know he has a son in Colorado who is developmentaly disabled. I don't know if the money is to help him. BUT I do know what his son is in a "state funded facility" Hubby does not pay for it.

So I just don't get it.

All I know at this point is NO, we are not getting back together and NO all these things are no longer "petty". They are ISSUES.

Hubby,, we will not be able to work out our issues, petty or not, and we just need to part and go our seperate ways.

July 15th

Well,, I just recently split with my hubby.


I am surprised as to how relaxed the house has become. My son has emerged from his bedroom. We actually watch tv together, and spend time talking. It is rather nice.

I thought I might go back to my old ways of being single. I just seems like so much work. I even ran an ad on Craig's list. I explained exactly what I wanted, that I was not the most beautiful woman in the world. That I am 49 yrs old and gravity has not been nice to me.

My email was packed. I could not believe how many emails I had gotten. Now you know,, I did ask for NSA. So tell me,, when you go out to a bar or something, where are all these guys? So I have this theory. They are out there, but they are with wives, girl friends or domestic partners. So I guess I don't understand why they are looking.

Now I do realize there are people out there who don't know how to kiss. I mean really KISS. The kind of passionate, long, lingering type that makes you cream your pants. I have just recently kissed this guy who is in his 60's. Now you would think the guy would have had a lot of practice. WRONG. He was the worst kisser I have ever encountered in my life.

So you ask,, how do you know? Well it is no secret that I have been around. My sex drive is not normal for most women. I have kissed A LOT. So this guy, we will call him Edward, can't kiss at all. I had spit running down my chin because he is so bad. I was grossed out. It made me worry about the rest of the activities. Well let me tell you, he could tantalize. He teased, and some times tortured me by not giving me what I wanted the most. He would bring me to the edge and then back off not allowing me to "finish business". Of course we were in his car so that my have had alot to do with it. He said it was his way of making sure I came back for more. hummmm, no sweety,, it just flustrates the hell out of me.

So tonight I am supposed to hook up with a nice looking 36yr old. He is in a relationship. He wants me to call him "Daddy". He calls me Baby. I am cool with that. So Daddy wants hardcore sex. Passionate, lustful, meaningless, sweaty, long, sticky, incredible sex. OK,, now we are talking. This is good. He sent me a picture, hot,, he sent me a video,, even hotter. He as a nice tool, and his juices are thick, and there is a lot that emerges. His tool is thick as well.

All I can say is, I hope he is as good as he says he is. He lives a slight distance from where I live. We are supposed to meet half way. We are doing this in a car, not any car,, my car. But wait, it is supposed to be 90 degrees out there today. Crap, this had better be worth it.

I am also supposed to hook up with this hot black guy soon. He also sent me pics. He is a very dark black guy, not one of those that it is hard to tell that he is black. He has piercings in places that would make most men cry. So when that happens I will blog about it.

So I have not talked to Edward in days. Not that I don't want to, it is just that I am very busy. I do have a job. I do have a house, animals and such that need to be taken care of.

So this is enough for now. I have to get to work. I will blog later

Its been a long time coming

Well. I have not written in quite a while. I just need to vent today. Get a few things off my chest.

MEN!!! I am married. Some times I am happy. Some times I am not. Today,,,, I am not.

Today I want to leave my worthless husband. If I do, I can not afford to have the things I do. I would have to sell the horses. Which I think I am ok with that.

I would have to get a car. I have one,,, correction, I have 6. Only 1 runs. My husband has to drive everyone around. He was supposed to fix the cars. But he instead sits in front of the computer. He doesn't always do anything on the computer, some times he just sits there when it is off. Then he has the nerve to bitch about having to drive everyone around. He claims he has no time for himself.

What I see is happening is he doesn't really want to get things fixed. He would rather bitch about it. He knows he is lazy, he even said so himself just this morning.

So lets move from here to,,, oh ,, I don't know,,, Lets talk sex. There is none. Zilch, nodda, zero, zip. His dick is as active as he is. It doesn't work. And if it did, it is the worst sex I have ever had.
He has tried viagra. It does not help. If you can't tell when you fall out of the nice warm place, then you have no need to have sex. Because chances are, you wouldn't know it if you were having sex.

So why did I marry him???? I don't remember. I liked him at some point. Maybe even loved him.

Have I grown tired? Yes I think so. Its not like I am dead. I am trying to be faithful. It is harder than hell. I have had plenty of offers.

Maybe if I did have sex, I would feel better about myself. Maybe, just maybe I would take better care of myself.

Right now I get my fix on sex from books. NOT romance novels, but detective books, yes they do have romantic moments in them. Besides, I can't handle a romance novel. They are unrealistic and just get womens hope up that there are actually guys out there like that.

So get this, I am almost 50. I am being hit on by a guy who is 28. He is hot. He is married but he is still hot. He has a hard body. He is sexy as hell. The problem is, he is in California and I am in Oregon. I know him personally. I would jump his bones in a heart beat. But how the hell can I get away from hubby, work, etc, to do him? How will he get a way from his wife?

Shit. Then I just lost a friend with benefits because I wanted to start being just friends. He only wanted the benefits. Which is still fine with me. But sometimes it is nice to talk in between sex and recovery. He was black, and damn good. Now we don't talk at all.

I thought about going back on Craigs list and finding someone new but with all the murders and everything, well I won't be doing that anytime soon.

What I truly need is SEX, hot passionate sex. I need to meet someone I have chemistry with. I don't want to just get laid. I want lust. Lots and lots of lust. Hot steamy I can't take my mind off of it sex. Some hard body, or soft who knows what the hell they are doing. Who knows exactly how to use his cock and is not afraid to use it. Someone who won't jump up and say see you later.
Someone who is clean, and has an incredible sexuality about them. You know it as soon as they enter a room. I want someone who can make me melt with just a touch....

Do they really exist? Do men like that really exist? Are there any at all? If they exist how do you find them? Where are they because I want one! If you happen to be one, write to me. I would LOVE to meet you. Call me!!!!! Better yet, do me