Damned if you do, damned if you don't

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20090819/hl_time/08599191721500

Todays topic - Lies.

Click on the link above. Read the article. It is an interesting article.

Looking at what I read or got out of the article is that everyone lies. That sounds reasonable. Whether you tell a little white lie or a big fat juicy lie.

The fact that everyone lies is no big news. People lie about themselves all the time. They lie about their abilities in every day life. They even have started lying to themselves.

Yes it is a vicous cycle.

I found it interesting that Robert Feldman, not only studied this phenomeon but gave us insights as to how often it happens.

He does not offer any help on preventing it. Although he did say that if you are honest, you will probably not be the most popular person in the office or school or in life its self.

So my question is, do we really want to be honest? Yes honesty is the best policy. But does honesty help you get that really great job you want? Does it help you get the great person in your life that you have been hitting on?

So lying has become a way of life. If your in sales, you might lie about your product, or fudge on the particulars about the product your trying to sell.

We lie to potential mates. We tend to boast about things we might have done or have acomplished in life. Or we tend to make ourselves out as being a better person than what we truly are.

We all know that EVERYONE lies about their weight. Who wants to have 300lbs listed on their drivers license when 298 sounds so much better.

What would happen to the world if everyone stopped lying? Would polititians have a job? What about lawyers who bend and twist the truth? Would we really need to have Judges to determine who was in the right and who was, well.. lying about the situation.

This is a strange and twisted world that we live in. We have to lie to be socially exceptable. But if we get caught, then we are labeled as a liar and they throw in the word "cheat".


This also kind of hits on the saying - Nice guys finish last. Because they do. It happens all the time. Because if you tell people your a nice guy? You could be lying. You really may be a jerk. So who are you lying to?

If your a nice guy, you will be lying to other people. Because nice guys don't say mean things to people. You tend to be cautious and pad your comments. Say a woman comes in with her hair dyed multi color, you find it offensive but tell the person it looks good. There you have 2 lies. Your lying to yourself and your lying to the person your talking to.

If we tell them it looks like shit. We are jerks.

So the way I see it, society has put us in the middle. If we are honest, we are jerks, a** holes, and mean. If we lie, and we are caught, we are jerks, a** holes and liars. So there is no happy medium.

Robert Feldman did not give us any answers as how to stop lying, nor did he say it was a bad thing. He did acknowledge the fact that people lie. They lie alot. Daily. Hourly. They lie to co-workers, mates, and our own children.

Oh yeah, we even teach our children how to lie. Great. No wonder no one trusts anyone any more.

Here we go again

Brett Favre.

The name is big in football. He's a great quarterback. He is well known. He is a great guy. You can't say too many bad things about Brett.

BUT, please,, I am a Favre fan. My son has a personally autographed football helmet from him. But if your going to retire, then retire. I know you have lived your whole life for football. I get that. But you need to make up your mind. In or Out.

I think it is wrong to stay on the fence, make teams jump through hoops for you, delay your decisions, then at the last minute say ok. I will play.

Brett, We have morned with you, we have morned for you. You have kept us hopping, you have given us thrills and chills. But this whole thing of not being able to decide?? Come on.

I know you want the spot light, but maybe, consider instead of retiring, try to slowly leave the sport by being a back up. I know THAT is hard to fathom. But think about it, you will still be in the game. It is just the game will not be all about you any more.

There will come a day when you won't be in the game. There won't be a team that wants you.
Right now, your a loose cannon. Your starting to get on peoples nerves because one minute your in and the next your out.

I love to watch you play, your involvement in the game will be missed. I loved watching you interact with your teammates. The smiles and the excitement you had was great.

You just can't keep toying with people this way. Your loosing your fans. People are getting fed up.

Brett, from a fan of yours, you really need to consider what your doing to the fans of football. Your turning them off.

yes I know the whole Mike Vick thing, yes that is a turn off too and he did much worse than you did. Yes he paid his dues and yes he deserves a second chance. But he also claims he learned his lesson.

Will you learn yours? What is going to happen when no team wants you? You will be forced into retirement. Is that what you want to happen? Is there any dignity in that? No I don't think so.

If you don't want to give up football, think about going into another part of football. Maybe a coach for a school? I know you have girls but come on. There are lots of kids out there that would love for you to mentor them, teach them. You taught my son. Indirectly of course, but his love of football is because of you.

Brett, we love you, really we do, but enough already. In or out, or semi retiree as a back up qb or even a coaching gig somewhere. Think about it. Please.

Ok, so today is Tuesday. After going home and unloading on my son and ex husband. I feel much better. Hopefully I can have some peaceful nights now.

Anyone who knows me, knows I love football. Now I am not into the stats of players, I just enjoy watching the game. I know some of the plays, I know the players, I just never bogged myself down with the logistics of the game.

Now, there is something to be said about the football player. I am not sure what it is but I will tell you, they are not "dumb jocks". These guys work hard and play hard. They make damn good money. Have you ever seen one of the play books that these guys have to learn? They are not a thin paper back. They are 3 ring binders. Pages and pages of plays that they have to learn. Then they have to learn the little nicknames of the plays.

They have to speak to the media eloquently. The media as you know tends to twist things that come out of peoples mouths. So the football player must choose his words carefully and make sure people understand what he is trying to say. I am sure they have to take classes on talking to the media.

I am sure other sports have the same things going on. The learning of plays, the sign language on the side lines or dug out. Players of any sport must be ready to talk with the media at a moments notice. You never know when they will be called on to talk.

Oh I must say at this point, that it is really cute how the players no matter how old they are, whether they are playing professional or college sports, they always say hi to mom. Being a single parent when my son grew up playing football, he knew I was in the stands. He knew I was at all his practices. On game night while he was on the field, he could pick my voice out and knew exactly the area in the stands I was. I never missed a game. Never.

Another point I want to make here is, how many football players or any sport for that matter had a single parent there for them. Every game, every practice. There are quite a few. Even in hard times, there are parents who get their kids involved in sports and support them.

My parent on the other hand, did not support my sports. So I dropped them. I had 2 parents. They had too many other things going on. I was the last of 7. I unfortunately did not get to enjoy what could have been something very good for me.

So my hats off to the parents who support their kids. The ones who attend every game, the ones who stay involved in the kids life. There were even times that I went above and beyond my duties as a parent and took care of other kids. I would pick them up for practice, I would take them home. I would provide them drinks during the games. Am I patting myself on the back, damn right I am.

It pisses me off that parents want their kids involved in sports to "keep them off the streets" but they don't show the moral support or any other kind of help to keep them involved in something good.

When a child finds a sport they love, they work harder in school, they build relationships, they learn about team work. They also learn that they affect other members on the team either directly or indirectly.

This stays with them the rest of their life. They become successful, whether in sports or business. They learn that they are needed, that they can make choices, they are smart, and that motivates them.

I feel sorry for the kids that can't afford to play sports. If a parent truly wants their kids involved in something good like sports, they can find a way. There are scholarships for kids in any sport, any where in the US. Whether it is high school, middle school or grade school. The money is there.

Do your kid a favor, get him involved in a sport. Any sport. It will build his self esteem.

Ok, so this will be my bitch session.

This involves:
Robert - ex husband
Thomas - son (Not Roberts Son)
Me

I just got a phone call. My son, who was stopped on Friday night for not having tail lights, brake lights, a license plate light and updated insurance card, just called me. He is having issues. You see, Robert, offered to help him fix the tail lights so he would not get a ticket. ( The cop let him go with out a ticket due to the econimic hard times, nice cop!)

So my son, gladly took him up on the offer. They worked all day Sunday on it. Got it all wired and the thing shorted out again. So Robert went to the autoparts store. Bought new tail lights. I specifically asked him if they would attach directly to the brake pedal and to the head lights so Son would not have to fuse with yet another switch. Robert said yes.

Well low and behold, Son calls. Robert had bought lights that had to be drilled into the bumper and did not take into consideration how Son would feel about this. Robert just went a head and drilled holes in the bumper to attach the lights. This is not what I was told would be done.

My son is mad, I am mad, Robert is mad.

Robert is mad because he just spent $60 on fixing the damn things.
Son is mad cause now he has holes in his bumper.
I am mad because neither of them talk to each other.

I asked Son, where were you when this was happening? he was in his room watching a movie. But he says, he kept an eye out for Robert so he could help and he never saw Robert.

Robert, did you go to Sons room and ask for help? No. Because he didn't want to .

You see it is shit like this that drives me nuts.

So, I went to the Pow Wow. It was fun, colorful and uneventful. I am glad about that.

The weather was perfect, not sunny and hot but warm. We didn't spend much time with hubby number 1, he was actually working at the Pow Wow. He was security.

So it was me, my daughter my 2 grandsons and Robert. We enjoyed the day of music and dancing. The costumes were colorful.

I found myself wishing there was more happening than what there was. I was told that this would be one of the biggest Pow Wow's ever. That the chief has invited everyone in Oregon, Washington, Idaho, Canada, and Alaska. I was disappointed in the turn out if that was true.

They had plenty of places to spend money there. Food was expensive. I did try an Indian Taco, it consists of flat bread with taco meat and of course lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream, cheese, everything you would find on a regular taco. It was ok, in a sense it reminded me of the gordita's that Taco Bell makes.

The dancing was in a big tent. The problem was the camera I took, could not get good pictures inside even with a flash. But I did get some outside.


And now my stupid computer will not let me post the pictures. I will get them on here later. So check back

So as my life goes on, things get more exciting. I had forgot to mention yesterday that the Pow Wow that I am going to is also where husband number 3 lives. Yes he is indian. Will his family and him be there??? Yes,, most likely they will be. Hopefully I can blend into the crowd with out a lot of commotion. His family tend to be overly dramatic, overly obessive, does not let things in the past go. But with the Pow Wow being as big as it is, I don't think I will run into any of them.

On the home front, my son is looking for a job. He knows his days at the golf course are limited. He knew when he took it that it was seasonal. So he has been looking for work. He has come to realize that with out a good education, his job oppertunities are very limited. You would think that might motivate him to go to school. But it is not.

My oldest daughter is due with her first daughter in October. So she will have 2 boys and a girl. She is looking forward to having a girl. She says she is a little nervous because she knows things will be different with a girl. Then she dreads the teen years. LOL... I hope she turns out just like her mom. That way my daughter will know exactly what she put me through.

Then there is my middle child. Overbearing, stubborn, hardheaded, demanding, I could go on but you get the idea. She has managed to pull a family together. She has 2 children, a house, 2 cars, and 3 dogs. Her hubby is a cop. She has started her own business. This is good. She is a photographer and is doing very well.

The office here where I work, is moving across town this next spring. Now when I say across town, I don't mean just a couple of miles, it is about 8 - 10 miles. Ok may be I am exaggerating some what but it will add a good 20-30 minutes on my commute time, and that is on a good day.

So I will be moving from a small town, to the large city of Portland. I have not yet decided how I am going to pull this off. I do know that all my debts are falling into place and I am close to having paid them off. So I should be able to make the move. However, my son who is 22, is whining because he can't afford to live by himself and does not want to live in Portland.

I gave him one year to get it together. I feel that is enough time. He as 2 friends that could be roommates. So he has the capabilities he just needs to find that full time job.

So I am moving forward with my life. I will keep you posted on the pow wow.

Ok, so I am seperated from my husband. He refuses to give up. That is fine, but I am not taking him back.

About a year ago, I told my daughter that I would take her to the Grand Ronde Pow Wow. Now for those of you who don't know what a Pow Wow is, it is a social gathering for Native Americans. So Indians from all tribes are invited. This year the invitation has been expended to Canada. At this gathering, they sing? or chant as you will, they dance and they wear the native costumes. It is very colorful and the atmosphere is every joyous. It is actually a lot of fun to go. There is something to be said about the beating of drums. It kind of draws you in.

So anyway, I will be attending this Pow Wow with my daughter, my 2 grandsons, her boyfriend and her father. Yes my other ex will be with us. So now I have 2 ex's going. This shall be fun.

Now many years have passed since I was married to Rich. We have managed to make amends and move on from our differences. There have been times I have actually called him and talked to him on the phone. So I would say we are friends, but that is about it. I don't go out of my way to talk to him.

So Robert doesn't feel Rich will be an issue. I did tell Robert that Rich and I are friends and that I would be talking with him and joking around. His comment? Oh your over him and I am not worried. ??? what the hell.

Yes I am over him. But I can't wait to see how Robert reacts to my interactions with Rich. So we will have a fun and interesting weekend.

I will write more about it this Sunday. I will let you know how it went.